Outlook Orgasmic
by Hannah Beckhamcover art by Reneé George
ISBN (13): 978-1-59596-943-9
Genre(s): Paranormal, Action/Adventure, Humor and Satire
Theme(s): Vampires, Madam Periwinkle's Erotic Delights
Series: Madam Periwinkle's Erotic Delights Multi-Author
Length: Novella
BLURB:
Terri Smythe, a transplanted New Yorker, is trying to find her feet in Kansas City. After an emergency "save-me-before-I-slit-my-wrists" visit from her best friends, and a shopping spree at Madam Periwinkle’s Erotic Delights, a Magic 8-ball sets her off on an adventure of a lifetime.
That adventure has one name -- Niko. He’s gorgeous. He’s strong. He’s bold.
He’s also a vampire.
That adventure has one name -- Niko. He’s gorgeous. He’s strong. He’s bold.
He’s also a vampire.
EXCERPT:
This e-book file contains sexually explicit scenes and adult language which some may find offensive and which is not appropriate for a young audience. Changeling Press E-Books are for sale to adults, only, as defined by the laws of the country in which you made your purchase. Please store your files wisely, where they cannot be accessed by under-aged readers.
****
“My feet are killing me. Remind me again why I moved to Kansas City?” Terri Smythe asked as she strolled -- more like hobbled at this point -- down Southwest Boulevard with her three best friends. It was already getting dark out, and they’d been walking around the downtown area for more than an hour.
Maggie Bergman, the bubbly red-head of the group, answered first. “Because you needed a change.”
“There’s no one saying you have to stay here forever,” Rena Grace, the tallest of the four, said.
“Oh, quit bitching. We’re supposed to be having a stress free girls day.” Dana Constance, ex-beauty queen and all around fabulously frank, straightened her Spanx. “Come on, this shop is supposed to be da bomb.”
Terri sighed. Her friends meant well, but moving from New York to Missouri had been a shock to her system. Maggie, Rena, and Dana had all flown in earlier in the week for Terri’s emergency “I’m going to slit my wrists from boredom” intervention.
The week had been terrific, they’d stayed up every night talking and laughing into the wee hours. But they were leaving to go back to their lives, and Terri would be alone. Again.
“Fine, whatever, let’s just go.”
“Oh!” Maggie pointed then clapped her hands together. “There’s Madame Periwinkle’s.”
“I’m having second thoughts, ladies.” Rena grimaced. “All this stuff sort of weirds me out. I mean in theory, okay, but to actually go in and shop. I don’t know if I can do it or not.”
Dana stomped her heeled boot on the sidewalk. “Jeeezus, Ren. It’s a freaking novelty shop. No one’s going to be sacrificing virgins with dildos.”
“Even if they were, we’d all be safe.” Terri grinned. Although, truth be told, it had been a long time, since she’d had sex. She might as well be a virgin.
“Yeah, you fucktard. So quit being such a chicken shit.” Dana again.
“Hey!” Rena snapped. “I’m not a chicken shit. And, at least I’m not turning into the crazy dog lady.”
Dana put her hands on her hips. “Oh, that hurt. Not.” She’d added another puppy to her fold, bringing the count to eight dogs and two cats.
“Don’t fight,” Maggie said. “It’s our last day together. Let’s enjoy it.”
By the time the banter ended, they were standing in front of Madam Periwinkle’s Erotic Delights. “We’re already here,” Terri said. “We might as well check it out.”
Maggie clapped her hands again. “Woot!” It’d been her idea in the first place.
A tinkling sounded when Terri opened the door.
Everything in the shop was purple. Including the lady behind the counter. Well, not her skin, but her bustier, her hair, her fingernails, her make-up, and her tight little pants. Her voice was smooth and light. “Welcome, ladies. Please come in. I’ll be with you in just one moment.”
It was rumored that Madam Periwinkle was a mystical erotic shop. She was supposed to psychically know what you needed in order to fulfill your fantasies. Terri didn’t buy it, not for one minute. But they were having fun, and this was supposed to be part of it.
The concept was this, you handed Madame Periwinkle ten dollars and she’d give you an item in a paper bag. It was basically a grab bag situation, like going to the fair, only instead of a two dollar stuffed animal, you’d walk out with something to help with your love life.
Terri and her buddies waited at the counter for Madame Periwinkle to return. She came out with four purple gift bags. After they all put their ten-dollar bills on the counter, she handed a bag to each of them. “Don’t open them just yet.” Madam Periwinkle winked. “Wait until you get home.”
With bag in hand, Terri turned to say something to Rena but was stopped when she slammed into a very large obstacle rushing through the front door. Dana and Rena were at her side immediately, but Maggie stood stunned. Gaping.
Terri followed Maggie’s line of sight and had to fight to keep her own jaw off the ground.
“Oh my god,” Rena whispered. “He’s beautiful.”
Terri nodded before she could stop herself. Even though she was off men, entirely, some eye candy was just too good not to appreciate. And this eye candy had yummy-licious written all over him. Medium height, about five feet eleven inches, if she had to guess, and he wore the tightest black T-shirt, which fit snug against his muscular chest, and the black slacks he wore were like a second skin.
“Oish.”
A feeling of electricity shot through her body when she noticed that while she was checking out his goods, he was checking her out. Their eyes met, and his were dark like obsidian, filled with anger and rage. Dangerous. The word echoed in Terri’s mind as a chill slid down her spine. She looked away.
“Are you all right, darling?” Dana asked.
“Fine. Help me up so we can get out of here.”
The man didn’t apologize, didn’t say a word as he walked past them to the counter.
“Rude much?” Rena said.
“Leave it alone,” Terri hushed her. She dusted her jeans. “Let’s just go.”
“My feet are killing me. Remind me again why I moved to Kansas City?” Terri Smythe asked as she strolled -- more like hobbled at this point -- down Southwest Boulevard with her three best friends. It was already getting dark out, and they’d been walking around the downtown area for more than an hour.
Maggie Bergman, the bubbly red-head of the group, answered first. “Because you needed a change.”
“There’s no one saying you have to stay here forever,” Rena Grace, the tallest of the four, said.
“Oh, quit bitching. We’re supposed to be having a stress free girls day.” Dana Constance, ex-beauty queen and all around fabulously frank, straightened her Spanx. “Come on, this shop is supposed to be da bomb.”
Terri sighed. Her friends meant well, but moving from New York to Missouri had been a shock to her system. Maggie, Rena, and Dana had all flown in earlier in the week for Terri’s emergency “I’m going to slit my wrists from boredom” intervention.
The week had been terrific, they’d stayed up every night talking and laughing into the wee hours. But they were leaving to go back to their lives, and Terri would be alone. Again.
“Fine, whatever, let’s just go.”
“Oh!” Maggie pointed then clapped her hands together. “There’s Madame Periwinkle’s.”
“I’m having second thoughts, ladies.” Rena grimaced. “All this stuff sort of weirds me out. I mean in theory, okay, but to actually go in and shop. I don’t know if I can do it or not.”
Dana stomped her heeled boot on the sidewalk. “Jeeezus, Ren. It’s a freaking novelty shop. No one’s going to be sacrificing virgins with dildos.”
“Even if they were, we’d all be safe.” Terri grinned. Although, truth be told, it had been a long time, since she’d had sex. She might as well be a virgin.
“Yeah, you fucktard. So quit being such a chicken shit.” Dana again.
“Hey!” Rena snapped. “I’m not a chicken shit. And, at least I’m not turning into the crazy dog lady.”
Dana put her hands on her hips. “Oh, that hurt. Not.” She’d added another puppy to her fold, bringing the count to eight dogs and two cats.
“Don’t fight,” Maggie said. “It’s our last day together. Let’s enjoy it.”
By the time the banter ended, they were standing in front of Madam Periwinkle’s Erotic Delights. “We’re already here,” Terri said. “We might as well check it out.”
Maggie clapped her hands again. “Woot!” It’d been her idea in the first place.
A tinkling sounded when Terri opened the door.
Everything in the shop was purple. Including the lady behind the counter. Well, not her skin, but her bustier, her hair, her fingernails, her make-up, and her tight little pants. Her voice was smooth and light. “Welcome, ladies. Please come in. I’ll be with you in just one moment.”
It was rumored that Madam Periwinkle was a mystical erotic shop. She was supposed to psychically know what you needed in order to fulfill your fantasies. Terri didn’t buy it, not for one minute. But they were having fun, and this was supposed to be part of it.
The concept was this, you handed Madame Periwinkle ten dollars and she’d give you an item in a paper bag. It was basically a grab bag situation, like going to the fair, only instead of a two dollar stuffed animal, you’d walk out with something to help with your love life.
Terri and her buddies waited at the counter for Madame Periwinkle to return. She came out with four purple gift bags. After they all put their ten-dollar bills on the counter, she handed a bag to each of them. “Don’t open them just yet.” Madam Periwinkle winked. “Wait until you get home.”
With bag in hand, Terri turned to say something to Rena but was stopped when she slammed into a very large obstacle rushing through the front door. Dana and Rena were at her side immediately, but Maggie stood stunned. Gaping.
Terri followed Maggie’s line of sight and had to fight to keep her own jaw off the ground.
“Oh my god,” Rena whispered. “He’s beautiful.”
Terri nodded before she could stop herself. Even though she was off men, entirely, some eye candy was just too good not to appreciate. And this eye candy had yummy-licious written all over him. Medium height, about five feet eleven inches, if she had to guess, and he wore the tightest black T-shirt, which fit snug against his muscular chest, and the black slacks he wore were like a second skin.
“Oish.”
A feeling of electricity shot through her body when she noticed that while she was checking out his goods, he was checking her out. Their eyes met, and his were dark like obsidian, filled with anger and rage. Dangerous. The word echoed in Terri’s mind as a chill slid down her spine. She looked away.
“Are you all right, darling?” Dana asked.
“Fine. Help me up so we can get out of here.”
The man didn’t apologize, didn’t say a word as he walked past them to the counter.
“Rude much?” Rena said.
“Leave it alone,” Terri hushed her. She dusted her jeans. “Let’s just go.”
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