Monday, October 20, 2008

Boolicious by KZ Snow

by K.Z. Snow

cover art by Karen Fox
ISBN (13): 978-1-60521-008-7
Genre(s): Humor and Satire
Theme(s): Vampires, Magic and Mayhem, Seasonal Themes, Halloween
Length: Novella


Often, breaking up with a boyfriend is a blessing in disguise. Sometimes, being stuck with crazy relatives is the same thing.
Hannah Blue didn’t think so after she made an ill-advised bet with her Aunt Kate, a bawdy old hippie and self-styled witch. A little too much wine had made Hannah cocky enough to think she could get laid by November 1 and, in so doing, become a hundred dollars richer. But it isn’t turning out that way; Hannah’s picky about men.
As the bet’s deadline draws near, Aunt Kate decides to give her niece a little behind-the-scenes help. She wants Hannah to have a restorative roll in the hay and win that C-note.
But even a weird and wild Halloween swingers’ party doesn’t bring a man Hannah’s way. Horny and glum, she decides to boost her spirits by strolling down the streets of her neighborhood and enjoying Trick-or-Treat night. She eventually tags along with a trio of unescorted kids. It’s a pleasant, innocent diversion that helps Hannah resign herself to being a loser.
Until, at one house, a man wearing a vampire cape and tiny red briefs comes flying out the door…and proves the most delectable piece of candy -- and the best way to win a bet -- Hannah could ever have imagined.


They'd covered maybe three blocks, zigzagging from one side of the street to another, when they approached a small, red-brick bungalow. Emily charged up the porch steps with her usual enthusiasm, crying "Trick or treat!" all the way.
The door opened just as Hannah and the boys joined her. No smiling matron holding a candy basket appeared. Instead, a large, dark mass flew out of the house. Emily squealed. Startled, they all scrambled backward down the steps and withdrew to the railings.
The dark form was a man. A man in an opera cape—black satin on the outside, red on the inside—with a deeply scalloped, upturned collar and a bat attached by a spring to one shoulder. The cape was skewed off to one side, the bat bobbing and weaving like Muhammad Ali.
When the man regained his footing, he straightened his garment, swiped both palms over his hair, and faced the four people on the porch steps. "Uh . . . boo."
Dumbfounded, the four trick-or-treaters stared at him.
Emily looked up at her brother. "Can I keep `im?"
"He's too big for your bag, dork." Jeremy pointed at Hannah, who stood at the opposite railing. "Better let her keep him."
What the hell? Mouth agape, she stared at the man. Beneath the cape he wore only the skimpiest red briefs. A green glow came from his mouth. What the hell?
"Were you s'posed to scare us?" Emily asked. "Do you live here?"
The man looked embarrassed. "No."
"What didja do?" Emily asked him. "Are you a robber? Didja get caught? Is that why they threw you out?"
The man cleared his throat. "That's one way of putting it."
"So what are you hiding in your mouth? You better give it back."
"I'm not hiding anything. Those are my teeth." He bared his glow-in-the-dark, fanged plastic uppers. "I'm a vampire."
Jeremy chuffed. "Dracula didn't walk around in his shorts."
"Yeah, well, I'm his poor brother, Zacula. Can't afford formal wear, just underwear."
Hannah snorted a poorly suppressed laugh. She curled a hand over her mouth and looked down.
"Hey," Grif said, pointing at him, "your bat's starting to droop."
"That's not all." The man slid a glance at Hannah, who just at that moment happened to be sliding a glance at his—droop or no droop—well filled-out scarlet briefs. Self-consciously, he pulled the cape around his midsection.

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